Training

With the goal of being able to do the Seattle Half Marathon next November, I've started training and working with a trainer. I am devastated with the amount of weight I have gained, and it's the worst time to try and lose it, but I am just going to keep working out and hopefully get my eating on track after xmas(but trying to at least maintain some control during he holidays).

The odd thing is that I'm not feeling completely out of control right now, but I am still not feeling quite myself. Not sure how to pull it all together, but I think that working out helps. At least for an hour per day I am not worrying about anything. I'm just listening to an eclectic mix of music and pushing myself to try a little harder at something that I find very difficult. Some people get a sort of high from working out. For me, it's like getting the kids to run around so that they're so exhausted they go to bed without complaining. I run and bike, etc., so that I just tire myself out so that I can sleep more easily at night and feel more refreshed in the morning. Wish I got a high from doing it, but I just feel like such a dork, since doing the simplest things - like running 2 miles - is a major feat for me.

Tonight is the last night of Channukah. The last candle will be lit tonight. I'll miss those lights, and the ritual of lighting them with my husband, but I will put the meditations we use from ritualwell.org into the box with the menorah so that I have them with me next year, wherever we end up lighting.

Out of control

Feeling out of control these days - not just the normal holiday feasting, but just completely out of touch with myself and what I need and when too much is too much.

I got sick this week, and I think it had more to do with over-indulging and not sleeping, and just being crazy than with any sort of bug going around. It's a hard time to try and get a hold on the reins, but I have to do it.

Signed with a trainer, and it's going to be hard, but I'm determined to pull myself out of this downward spiral.

Maybe I'll use this blog now to chart the emotional side of my progress in that regard. Hmm. It could be a good thing for me to do something daily that is stress free (even if it reports on feelings of stress...)