Training

With the goal of being able to do the Seattle Half Marathon next November, I've started training and working with a trainer. I am devastated with the amount of weight I have gained, and it's the worst time to try and lose it, but I am just going to keep working out and hopefully get my eating on track after xmas(but trying to at least maintain some control during he holidays).

The odd thing is that I'm not feeling completely out of control right now, but I am still not feeling quite myself. Not sure how to pull it all together, but I think that working out helps. At least for an hour per day I am not worrying about anything. I'm just listening to an eclectic mix of music and pushing myself to try a little harder at something that I find very difficult. Some people get a sort of high from working out. For me, it's like getting the kids to run around so that they're so exhausted they go to bed without complaining. I run and bike, etc., so that I just tire myself out so that I can sleep more easily at night and feel more refreshed in the morning. Wish I got a high from doing it, but I just feel like such a dork, since doing the simplest things - like running 2 miles - is a major feat for me.

Tonight is the last night of Channukah. The last candle will be lit tonight. I'll miss those lights, and the ritual of lighting them with my husband, but I will put the meditations we use from ritualwell.org into the box with the menorah so that I have them with me next year, wherever we end up lighting.

Out of control

Feeling out of control these days - not just the normal holiday feasting, but just completely out of touch with myself and what I need and when too much is too much.

I got sick this week, and I think it had more to do with over-indulging and not sleeping, and just being crazy than with any sort of bug going around. It's a hard time to try and get a hold on the reins, but I have to do it.

Signed with a trainer, and it's going to be hard, but I'm determined to pull myself out of this downward spiral.

Maybe I'll use this blog now to chart the emotional side of my progress in that regard. Hmm. It could be a good thing for me to do something daily that is stress free (even if it reports on feelings of stress...)

Thanks for Thanksgiving

My DH is coming into the city tonight. If he's not exhausted when he gets here, we're going to work on the menu for Thanksgiving. We'll have the family here for the week, so there's lots of cleaning and organizing to do in preparation. Luckily, I have tomorrow to do that while he's at Santa class at Nordstrom! Yes, my DH is a Nordstrom Santa. He is so wonderful that Santa is the perfect persona for him.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to get all the homework done I can for school, and doing little things to make the cleaning/organizing easier to do tomorrow. Sunday, we head back to the eastside to go to "Meet the Biscotti's" at Lincoln Square. Should be fun -- an interactive "mafia" musical.

Happy Holidays!!

Coding in a cloud

So, a friend at work (my pt job writing - no word on a solid full-time coding gig, yet) told me about a seminar at Google in Fremont. They're going to be talking about their applications. Since Google is one of the big names in cloud computing, I am expecting to find out more about a dev's life in the cloud, but we'll see. Right now, I'm just expecting information on technologies I love.

It's hard being exiled to MS-only environments. If it weren't for school, where I'm working on PHP and home, where I work in Eclipse/Java, I'd be stuck in the MS-worldview. That would be just too, too sad.

But it's a happy day. I moved from waitlist to definite seat at the seminar Monday night.

Hey, suddenly, life is good. :)

Halloween approaches

Finally sent out an invite for a halloween party. Since my DH will be working as the zombie host for a haunted house, leaving Halloween night at 9pm, it'll be nice to have company - assuming anyone comes!

My cousin is in town, and I'm hoping that she and her husband can make it to the party, but I'm not sure. I don't have her email address at work, so I will send her the invite when I get home tonight.

Right now, the menu for the event looks like I'll have one non-vegetarian stew (probably a beef stew) and an Indian vegetable stew. I'll make brown and white rice, and my DH's favorite bread. For dessert, I found a chai-spiced mango bread pudding that looks worth a try, and it's not high calorie, which is a very good thing. I've had a couple of pretty good days so far, and I want to stay on track to get some of this extra weight off so I can enjoy Thanksgiving.

Looking forward to wearing jeans that don't bite! :)

Mad Hatter Day

Next year, if all goes well, I want to have a Mad Hatter Day party. Mad Hatter Day was actually yesterday. See http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~ari/madHatter.html for a wonderful description of this holiday.

Looks like a Halloween Party is going to happen after all. I was worried that I'd be too busy with work and school to help my DH out, and he has so much on his plate already with prepping for Santa photos and prospective jobs, and working as a zombie host at a haunted house. However, he said he'd still like to go through with it since he has to leave on Halloween night to head to the haunted house at 9pm for their last night of frights. This way, there'll be people there with me to give candy to the kids and keep me company.

Second week of school, and only a few exercises done. I will need to step it up if I am going to do well in my classes.

Yesterday was a good day for diet, though not much exercise. Today, I'll walk to school and then down to a party at the Hyatt afterward to gawk at expensive condos that a friend is selling above the hotel. Not a bad day. :)

work and school

It is so hard getting used to being back in school after just a few weeks off. I have a ton of homework and regular work and am even attempting to work on an independent project with a friend. All this is getting to me, and making me a bit cranky. It doesn't help that I'm stress eating, and need to cut that out immediately! I have to go home for Thanksgiving, and I don't want to roll down to LA, so I'd better get it together fast!

My hubby is working as a zombie host for a haunted house, so our schedule together is pretty difficult, too. He's coming into the city tonight, and I'll get to see him for a couple of days, and then he's off Thurs->Saturday working his magic for the audience at the haunted house. He's such a good actor that it makes it easier not getting to go to the theater (no $$ for such things these days) when he can actually perform! I have to go to the house sometime and see him in action.

Went to a talk at Molbak's about what we should be doing now, and then in March and then in May wrt our tomato plants. I was planning on coming back to the city after a meeting on the eastside on Thursday, but I may go back to the house if only to get the hoses up and prep the ground for some serious digging and prepping for the winter. I'm sure our neighbors would be pleased if we did something with the mess of a garden we have out there now. If we prep while the weather is nice (sunny and cold) as opposed to when the rains come, it'll be easier. Doing some work outside would be good for me in that it would keep me out of the kitchen!

Well, back to real work. I have to be here until 5:30pm today, but then I head home to see my DH.

On again off again

School is finally out, and I did well, though it was tougher to get to the finish line than I expected. I'm enjoying web development, but have my doubts about its ability to help me find a job when I'm through. The process of working on development projects while I'm out of work, though, is a good thing. It keeps me in the industry, even though I'm paying for the privilege instead of getting paid. That's the kicker.

There's a chance I'll have some work on a project basis soon. School has been good for giving me some sort of schedule, but having work and real deadlines will be good for me. It's amazing how easy it has been for me to slack off in just a few months.

I'm creating a work-related site. It won't be a blog, per se, but more of a showcase for projects I do either for school or work as an advertisement of sorts for my services. I've gotten the name "codestress", and will use that as my domain name. A friend from school created a logo for me, and I'm going to work on that site as soon as I find out about the project that may come my way for work.

I had an altercation with a stick blender, and the blender won. I have an injured index finger that is bloody and painful, but the doctor said it should heal on its own in about a month. For now, I'm going to change my bandage, clean off my keyboard, and head to bed.

Good night!

back from hiatus

Well, I've been to NYC and back again. School has started and I'm swamped with good work. It is fun getting some new skills and becoming more excited about technology. It seemed like such a drudge for a while, but now it's a lot of fun again, and I'm so glad!

Classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I have Mon/Wed/Fri to take care of other things. So, eventually, when I'm not giving into my natural laziness, I should be able to get a bit of work done around the house.

Saw UP this past weekend with my husband. I expected funny, but I didn't expect touching. I was tearing up more than once during a cartoon! Who'd a thunk it? It was wonderful, and I'm glad we went - even though I had a ton of homework to complete, and didn't really have the time. It's good to do non-work things together every once in a while to remember that we got married because we enjoy spending time together!

Nothing much else is new. Hopefully, my new found excitement in technology will result in some work coming my way soon, and life can go back to what I used to see as "normal".

Just chillin'

Rob Brezsny does it again:

The books of psychologist Carl Jung provide crucial insights into the nature of the unconscious mind. To the degree that I have any skill in deciphering the part of human intelligence that works in mysterious, secretive ways, I owe a great debt to him. I want to tell you an anecdote about him that may be useful. Once, as an adult, Jung took a break from work to go strolling on a beach. While meandering, he was overcome with a spontaneous impulse to build things as he did when he was a kid. He gathered some stones and sticks and used them to construct a miniature scene, including a church. As he finished, he was visited by a flood of novel intuitions about his life. He concluded that his childlike play had called forth these revelations from his unconscious mind. I suggest you try a similar tack, Gemini: To access important information that your deep mind has been sequestering, go play a while.

I am feeling rather burned out in the job search. After so many years doing the same thing, I'm actually glad I have time for a little bit of a break - not too much, or the stress of not working will be too great - but enough so that I can get excited again about programming, technology and all the things that kept me going for so long. Right now, I just want to enjoy the summer weather and novels and spending time with the ones I love. Hopefully, my "deep mind" will show me some direction after this little respite. At least, I hope so.

Through the looking glass

Well, life has been strange enough that my "Doogie Howser" blog has taken a back seat. I can't say what it is I have been doing - because I feel a bit at sea. I have been looking into retraining options, and looking for work, and not doing much around the house, and trying to be supportive to my DH. He's started a new business - he's the local ice cream guy! He's so wonderful, and he really enjoys it, but his little ice cream truck has a bunch of problems. He had to cut his route short today because it stopped working, and this is one of our hottest weekends. It's really sad. He's going to try and work on it tomorrow. If he can't fix it, it's back to the mechanic.

I'm taking some time off of the job search to head home to see my big brother and the rest of my family back east. I'm looking forward to the people and the food, and hope the trip goes well. It would be more fun to go back there with money, but at least I'll be able to see people, and a slice of pizza isn't that much (and it's the best thing I can imagine having when I'm in NJ).

Hopefully, I'll spend more time reflecting and getting in touch with whatever the future holds. I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere for me, and I want to learn whatever it is. I suppose time will tell, but I would like to be more conscious of the changes and maybe that would make me feel better on this wild ride.

More when I return...

Shakespeare Knew Everything

SONNET 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Upson Downs

Well, I've had some set backs, some bad behavior, and, finally, an up day.

I interviewed for a job that would have had me working with one of my favorite people in the whole world, and - bonus! - an old friend from years ago. I didn't get it. Instead of behaving like an adult, I let myself dive down into a depression. I overate. I did no exercise. I did nothing to help myself - except for making two appointments.

The first was with Worksource to find out what kind of services they provide, and to learn more about unemployment, since I don't seem to be able to get the hang of filing on time, and keeping notes in the right way. The second was with Seattle Central Community College, where I met with the worker retraining group. After that meeting, I actually felt better. I feel like there's a way to upgrade my skills so I can more easily find a job, while keeping unemployment - and maybe even doing it better.

My DH wants to go to school, too, but I don't know if the worker retraining is something he wants to do or will be able to do - at least at the community college here in town. He has his stock trading that he does from home on the eastside in the morning, and the trek over here to the city may be too much. We'll talk about it this weekend. He should be here sometime tonight.

Why is he coming on a Thursday night? Because tomorrow is the opening day for Star Trek, and we're going to head to a matinee to save money and, hopefully, avoid the crowds that will surely be there for the evening performances.

Today was my first "good to myself" day in a long time. I didn't overeat, and I took a bubble bath. Having a non-caloric treat is a good start for leading a more reasonable life, and not undoing anything good I do.

Well, I'd better be off to bed for dreams of "Live long and prosper" - and the hope that such dreams come true for my DH and for me.

Interview Wednesday

Got an interview for that tech writing job. We'll see how it goes. I know I can do the job, but that doesn't mean I will get the job, or even that I should take the job. Possibilities, probabilities, choices, decisions...everything just makes me want to take a nap.

Gorgeous day here in Seattle. I'm heading out to the deck to ignore the mess, read my book, and have some coffee. It's too late in the day for me to be drinking coffee, but I just can't resist. Tomorrow, I'll get a new battery for my camera, and new planner pages from Franklin Covey. They're having a special where they're giving free planner pages to people who are out of work.

But today, I'll just spend time with a mystery and an americano...

Where does the time go...

So many plans, and so much time, but it doesn't feel that way. Somehow, time just gets away from me.

I had a phone interview for a tech writing job. I should hear something next week. I also did some research into certificates in web development, and what I would need to do that while on unemployment. Since it's retraining, I should be able to do it, and get some ASL classes in, too, I hope. It's not often that I have daytime hours to take classes, and the ASL classes are only offered during the day, so I'd like to take what I can toward an interpreter's certificate while I have the time.

Passover was wonderful, and a quick trip. My favorite kitty sitter is just too expensive now that I'm not working, so I like to keep trips short. It's always wonderful seeing family, and the trip home was uneventful. My DH gave up his seat on the return flight to Seattle, and got an extra ticket plus a bonus so we should be able to get back east this June. I'm anxious to see my brother, and my cousin said we could crash with her family while we're in town. That makes it much more feasible, since hotel rates in NYC are far from affordable when there's no regular income happening.

Had a wonderful night tonight. I went to a friend's house for dinner and a quick game of Texas Hold'em Dreidel. What a blast. I used to see these folks every day at work, but now I miss them all the time. It was so very good to just hang out with them again, though I did wish I also had to head to work tomorrow. Oh, well. Soon enough, I'm sure.

Weight is heading in the right direction, anyway, so I'm getting back on track, but still taking things one day at a time. Some days I have so much energy, and some days I could sleep all day long. Here's hoping that the coming week brings good news and happy tidings for everyone.

Playing catch-up

Celebrating Shabbat was wonderful - but a little overwhelming. That night, we had a lovely dinner and discussion, and my DH played poker with the teens for a while, too. It was a very cozy evening, and the next day was action-packed. If it were anything other than Shabbat, I would have said a debauch, since the food and drink didn't stop all day. We walked from house to house, and I met some amazing people, but was just pooped by the time I got home. My DH had already left for the eastside, so we didn't get to see each other that day. That was not optimal, but there's just so much wonderful stuff you can fit in a single day.

The following week was a bit of a roller coaster. Emotionally, I'm not as consistent as I wish I were. I am still deciding what to do next, and it's great to have options, but knowing how to approach them is a puzzle...Some days I'm just not up to anything, but I am getting my rest. My weight, however, is taking a back seat, as I went up a bit again this week. I'm trying to get better, but now it's Passover, and my aunt is going to cook up something wonderful because that's just the way she is! I'm just going to have to be good when I can and not beat myself up when I'm not.

Hopefully, I'll get better about keeping up with the blog, too. I think it helps me to think out loud here, at least that's how it's turned out. I was planning on documenting our outings to restaurants and theaters, but there won't be too much of that until I get a job, so I'm just playing it by ear.

Shabbos

Well, the first week is coming to a close, and - luckily for me - my DH and I have a very special night planned. Friends from LA are up to visit, and they are staying with a family in Seward Park. We have been invited to join them for candle lighting and Shabbos dinner. I am looking forward to having a spiritual evening, and letting go of the sadness and loss - turning it over, as a 12-stepper would say. Since my DH is Jewish, he's been invited to light candles tonight. I hope he does, and we'll hear the brachot (since I can't say them, and I don't think he knows them). What perfect timing!

Next week I will head over to the outplacement company and spend some time figuring out what to do. In the meantime, I bought a book that I'm finding very interesting. The title makes it sound like it's about technical interviews, but it's more than that. It's a techno-centric "What color is your parachute". The first chapter asks questions to figure out just what kind of programmer I like being - or if coding is even something I want to continue doing. It's going to take a fast pace to get through it in time to do me some good, though.

As for food and exercise, 4 days bad and 3 days good set me back a bit, but I'm back on track now. Two steps forward, one step back. I have a feeling that's a tempo I'm going to learn by heart.

Day two

Took a different route today on my walk. I braved the stairs that go up the hill from my house. They are daunting, and I usually skirt around the long way rather than tackle them, but today, I just forced myself to do them. I put my iPod on shuffle and hit the road. It was pretty entertaining, actually, since my taste in music is so eclectic that I found myself giggling as the songs switched from one genre to another. To give you an idea, here's the trip up the hill to the top of Queen Anne:

Itzhak Perlman - klezmer music
Marvin Gaye
The Commodores
Hadag Nachash - Israeli rap
La Cage Aux Folles - soundtrack
Django Reinhardt & Stephane Grappelli

Luckily, the rap music came up on shuffle right when I was hitting the worst of the stairs. It really helped me get to the top! Of course, I was wiped out by the time I hit the street, so my walking speed slowed a bit at first, but then I cranked it up - Thanks, Marvin! - and got to the top of Queen Anne in good time. Now I have some fresh Peets coffee -- on sale at Safeway!

Sending off my resume to a friend who knows someone who is hiring. Hope it's not too late to be considered for the job. The sun is out, and my mood is up, so today - day two - is a good day.

Eating and drinking is still a struggle, but I'm determined to get better

Day one

Took this morning to sleep in for a change, but my plans for getting out and doing anything were a bit thwarted. Mark was here and I let myself get distracted by a show called Kings. But, now that it's over, I'm going to take off and go for a walk and clear my head. There are plenty of things to do around the house and on line for the outplacement company, but I need to just clear my head and get some perspective. Plus, I've been dreadful with eating and drinking and need to get some exercise in.

So, off I go into the wild gray yonder.

The day is here

After a whirlwind weekend, the last day is here. I'm still a little dazed from all the activity over the past few days, so I'm going out in a bit of a cloud.

Left the city for Kirkland on Friday afternoon, and spent the evening there with my DH. Saturday, we each took a list of items to pick up at grocery stores - he went to an Indian specialty store, and I headed over to Safeway. Then we came back to the city where he cooked and I cleaned in preparation for dinner and gaming - D&D&D. Anyway, it was great fun, and the food was fabulous. I ate too much - of course, but I don't regret a thing.

Then last night, we went to see friends who practically built their 100yo house. They took it down to the framing and built it back up into a stunning home - cozy and interesting. It's just delightful - and so are they. I ate too much there, too - pretty bad being bad 2 days in a row, but that's life. Anyway, I don't regret that, either. Sometimes you just need to let loose.

Tonight is Jazz Alley with my DH, and then tomorrow, I'm heading up to the community college to do some research on classes there. I have a benefit from work that will reimburse me for classes up to a good amount, but I want to see what I can complete. The courses I was going to take at the university here would be more than the reimbursement cap AND they wouldn't be completed soon enough to help with an immediate job search, so I may have to bag that idea and do something more practical. So hard to choose.

One more bag of junk to tote home from the office, and that's it. I'll have to get used to heading to the outplacement company instead of the office just to give myself some sort of routine. In the meantime, I need to sign up for unemployment.

Geronimo!

Time for a review

Once again reviewers have led us astray. When Beverly Hill Chihuahua came out, we heard great things about it and how funny it was. What a stinker! It was too painful to even watch all the way through. It was beyond stupid. If we had very small children, we could have forced our way through it, but we don't, so we hit the "Next" button and watched some old Numb3rs episodes that Netflix also sent.

We thought, briefly, about paying full price and heading to Jazz Alley, but it would have been 45 bucks for the two of us without the drink minimum. That's just too much right now. We'll go on Monday when it's a cheap night to see the competitors in the Kobe competition. Every year, singers from Seattle compete to win a place in the Kobe, Japan competition. Last year was amazing. There was a singer who was still in high school, and we thought she was better than some headliners we've heard. She was fantastic. Anyway, we'll get a night out together then.

This weekend is shaping up to be a busy one. Saturday, we'll be in Kirkland where we'll make dinner and finish the D&D game that we started with a couple of friends of ours. Sunday, we'll have dinner with friends we haven't seen in a long time at their beautiful place in the city. Then, Monday, I'll turn in my computer, have my last free espresso, and go out to lunch with friends from work. Tuesday, I think I'll collapse!

Speaking of which, early to bed...

Potluck goodbye

They had a potluck for a farewell party of sorts at work today. My time is winding down quickly now, and I will soon (Monday) be handing in my PC and all connection to GE Healthcare. I will miss those folks - best group since CTS way back when.

Re-taking my web services certification class so I can finally take the test. Should have done it when I first went through the course, but of course I was too busy with work to take care of myself. I sure have the time for that now, though, huh?

I was hoping to get half-priced tickets for Kenny Rankin tonight, but our half-priced ticket place looks like it went out of business. What a bummer! Of all times when a service like that would be greatly appreciated, given the economic downturn, and it had to go out of business. What a bummer. On the bright side, Netflix did send us a copy of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, so we may just have a cozy dinner and movie night instead of a date out. We'll see when my DH gets to the city tonight whether we want to make the jump to full price tickets or just stay home.

The gas is still off in my building. There's a leak somewhere - they think on my floor - so we're having to get creative with cooking. No gas range, and the oven is supposedly dual fuel, so we may be able to broil, but I'm not sure. So, we're planning to put on our parkas and bbq for the first time this season and I'll use the electric oven (no broil) that I have for steaming veggies.
The PSE inspector is supposed to come by tomorrow, but it could be Friday, depending upon schedules. Just a bit of annoyance - nothing tragic.

Well, back to study. Have to do something so that next week isn't a complete freak out. Monday is the last day at work, and the first serious day of my new journey.

Friday the 13th

Had my tests this morning. I don't expect results for a week or so, but at least I made it to the appointment. Since I woke up late, that was pretty tricky. Didn't even do my weigh-in until I got back from the doctor's office (and a stop at the grocery store for dinner tonight).

So, I'm down 1 lb this week. The slowing has begun, but at least the direction is still down. If I'm going to live like a sloth, I am currently eating as much as can possibly have. That's not good. I want that Guinness next week, and I can't fit the calories in unless I get some activity in this week. Oh, to be one of those perky active types instead of one of the "Is it time for my nap, yet?" people.

Speaking of which, I at least have to get up and do the laundry instead of playing on the computer all day, but maybe just one more cup of coffee...

The Kitchen is Closed

I always have trouble staying out of the kitchen at night. I have a tendency to raid the cabinets for snacks, but I'm trying to cut that out. I allow myself to have tea, pouring it out of my lovely blue teapot into nice cups, providing a treat that isn't calorie-laden. It's still hard, though.

I have an added incentive tonight, since I need to see my doctor tomorrow for some blood work that requires that I don't eat anything after 9pm tonight until I get my blood taken at about 9:30am tomorrow. I know that I've been better about the types of food I've been eating, and I know that I feel better, but I don't know what to expect from the tests. Last time, my blood glucose level (after fasting) was too high. The last thing I need as an unemployed person is a condition that requires regular meds, even with medical coverage that will continue for 12 months whether I get another job or not.

I weigh in tomorrow morning, too. I don't have high hopes for the result, though. I was good with regard to food, but terrible with exercise. It's been so cold, that I was left to my own devices indoors, and I was just not good about doing anything. Well, we'll see what happens.

The rest of the day tomorrow will be getting my tax info together, picking up veggies for dinner, and finishing laundry -- the never-ending chore. I'm looking forward to it, strangely enough. It always seems that working makes everything else take a back seat, and I'm getting to things (slowly but surely) that I've been putting off for a long time. I must be doing better if I'm seeing a silver lining even in the prospect of doing chores around the house.

Next week, my DH and I are going to splurge and go to hear Kenny Rankin at Jazz Alley. If my blood work comes out okay, I'm going to treat myself to a Guinness, too. Everyone needs a little extra treat now and again. For now, I just have to keep reminding myself that the kitchen is closed.

Just another manic...Wednesday

The roller coaster continues, but I'm up today. People are taking up the slack, and I'm not needed so much at work, which is disheartening. It's just the way it is, though, so I am trying not to take it personally.

Other people who were laid off are being so much more active than I am with regard to the job search. I haven't even figured out what I want to do, yet. I did get an idea from one of the nicest women here at work. She has a friend who started a food-related business about 4 years ago. She's going to try and set up a time to meet so I can ask some questions and see what it would take to do a similar thing. I'd love to be doing something independent, but it all depends upon how much the start-up costs would be. I imagine that I'd still have to get some sort of job to support any entrepreneurial endeavor. We'll see.

Other than that, nothing new. One day at a time.

The week begins on Tuesday

Just couldn't make the week start yesterday. Just couldn't do it. I spent the day reading on the couch with a blanket and a very warm cat on my legs. On the bright side, it was a low-calorie day, since I didn't do anything. On the downside, I didn't do anything of value toward getting out of the funk and onto the job search or at least job preparedness.

Even Mother Nature seemed a little out of sorts. The cold and sunny morning turned into a snow storm (didn't stick) and then into a cold and cloudy evening. Just to make matters a little stranger, a tree fell and took out power for ~4000 people, of whom I was one. Just as I was going to hop in the car and head to over to Kirkland to see my DH, my car wouldn't start. I need a new battery - I know that - but I thought I could wait a bit for it. I don't know what I did to drain the battery so badly, but it's gone, gone, gone.

So, Mrs. Lincoln, what did you think of the play?

Today is a new day, and I am still on track with my eating plan. I can't control my job (or lack thereof) situation, but at least I can control my eating. I just need to up the exercise a bit. 2 pounds per week doesn't sound like a lot, and it's not, but now that I'm into the program and am only 4+ pounds away from my next milestone, it feels pretty good. We had dinner at friends' the other night, and the main course was chicken-fried steak. I'm sure it was good, but I just brought my own dinner -- two large ravioli over a bed of spinach -- and shared the green beans that they had prepared and a large salad. I didn't miss the entree (and the rich sauce). Staying on track is more satisfying now than eating anything I please. It's an interesting change of attitude, and I hope contributes to some needed self-confidence when I get out there interviewing.

BTW, I added a weight-loss gadget at the bottom of the page that shows my progress. I only weigh myself once per week, so it will just creep along as I get closer to my goal. I'm anticipating the losses being smaller as the weeks go by, since I'm halfway to my goal now, but I'll update the ticker every Friday, even if I don't add a post that day.

Friday morning I have an appointment with my doctor. It will be interesting to see how (and if) my diet has changed my glucose levels (if at all) and what my doctor has in her bag of tricks for menopause symptoms. I'm finding that I'm generally happier (with some down times, obviously) so I'm thinking that the chances are good that my blood work will be less problematic than it was when I was last in her office. She did say that one of the options for dealing with night sweats and hot flashes was an anti-depressant. If we go that route, it couldn't come at a better time with job searching on the horizon. Having a little happy-pill backup sounds good to me right about now.

Ah, reality finally on the radar

Well, today it's finally hitting me just how hard it's going to be when I leave work at the end of the month. The depression is starting to hit, and the worry about getting another gig is rearing its ugly head. I knew the honeymoon period couldn't last forever, but still.

I have some online classes I need to take for prerequisites for the the classes at the outplacement company. I guess I should start doing something instead of just sitting around worrying about what's going to happen.

Well, the roller coaster ride is in gear now. Should only get more and more "fun" as we go.

Got to keep thinking positively. Gulp.

Networking the job search

The process of looking for a job is turning out to be very emotional, but not in the way I expected. I thought I would be depressed (I'm sure that there is some of that) and worried, but I'm finding that the prevalent cause for tears these days is the receipt of recommendations from the people with whom I work and have worked.

LinkedIn has an automated request form, making it easy to send a request for recommendation to any number of connections. The responses I've gotten have more than once moved me to tears. Whatever happens, I'm glad I had the impetus to send out those requests.

Tomorrow I meet with some outplacement folks at a company that GE hired to handle those of us who were let go. The company is Right Management, and they have a good reputation in the community. The premium package from them must cost companies a bundle, and is a very nice benefit in my severance package. I'm as lucky as someone can be who is without a job in this lousy economy.

What does the future hold? I have no idea.

Strange problem with ellipses

Used a few ellipses (of which I am excessively fond) in my last post, but the page wouldn't load when I got to work to view it. I took them out, and now I can see yesterday's post. I wonder what Blogger doesn't like about ellipses?

I feel like I spent yesterday holding my breath, blindly sending out S.O.S. messages to contacts and friends - more like messages in a bottle than serious job-search activities. Of course, they count, but still. Today, I'm trying to just breathe, relax, take a look around and figure out what I'm going to wear to the Puget Sound Business Journal Job Search meeting tomorrow. The good news is that I'm losing weight; the bad news is that it complicates my finding "business casual" clothes to wear to meetings and interviews.

My big plan for today is to get Shaynala to the vet to get her nails trimmed. Poor thing is sticking to the carpet. Luckily, they only charge 15 bucks for the effort. The other portion of the plan is to figure out what I need to do for tuition reimbursement (part of my severance package) so that I know when to pull the trigger on enrolling in the classes I want to take.

And breathing.

A Journey of 1000 miles

begins with a single step.

I started the week by submitting my resume to Disney Interactive Media Group (DIMG). They are in the same building as my current job, and I ran into someone I know who works there last year. We hooked up on LinkedIn, and I checked with him about submitting my resume, since I know some companies give employees kick-backs if they hire someone who was referred in (as opposed to paying recruiters, I suppose). Anyway, I just submitted it, so I don't know how long it will take to hear whether I passed the first hurdle.

I also took a look at our company's website to see if there are any open jobs. The only ones I could find for which I was somewhat qualified are really a better fit for a friend who's currently working in LA, but wants to move back up here. It wouldn't get him all the way to Seattle, since the jobs are in Yakima, but it would be a shorter (and cheaper) commute to Snohomish, where his family is already living in anticipation of his finding work up this way. I hope one of those jobs works for him. Didn't propel my search any, but I'd feel more than satisfied if it helped someone I care about to find something good.

I have a seminar downtown on Wednesday morning, and a meeting with an outplacement company on Friday. So, I'm not being my regular lazy self this time. That's an interesting change. I still have not taken Lester down to see what I can come up with for volunteering, but that will come in time.

Meanwhile, I'm just about finished my current Nero Wolfe mystery, and there's a new one waiting at the library for me. Also, today was a good calorie day, I had a fast walk from the pet store (wet food for Shaynala was on the list) after work, and the kitchen is officially closed until morning. I will treat myself to a cup of tea, but nothing more to eat. If it gets too hard, I'll just head up to bed and call it a night. Being on a diet is a lot like living like a cat - short periods of wakefulness and frequent naps. Whatever it takes.

Good News, Bad News, New News

Weekly weigh-in this morning, and I'm down another 3.4 lbs. The good thing about bad news is that it helps put other things like food into perspective. I had a couple of days where I went over my 1.2k calories per day goal, but most of the time I stay close to 1k. Sleeping when I would otherwise stay up and snack is a big help. Ah, for the blessing of sleep where everything is beautiful all the time.

Besides the weigh-in, which brought good news, Friday also means the last weekday of "detente". I promised myself I could have 1 week to just chill and get my head together, and that's what I had. Monday means having to figure out what I'm going to do not only for the rest of the month, but going forward. That's the bad news.

One thing I'm putting on the list for March is to create a short puppet show, and see if I can't volunteer somewhere like Children's Hospital or elsewhere. Lester always cheers me up, so even if I get turned down for some volunteering possibilities, I can at least get myself in a better space. Maybe I'll get Lester a blog. That's the new news.

Do you remember Ramptha and Jonathan from the 80's? It seemed like there were channels to spirits but they were always the spirits of some powerful warlord or Queen of Egypt or something, but Lester channels a common man - Joe. Lester's full name is Lester J. Hugworthy III. He got the trey when we went to Palm Springs for the first time, and he wanted to add Commodore to his name, but he doesn't know anything about boats or ships so I put my foot down. We compromised on the designation III. Lester, well, that was just his name. Hugworthy came because, well, aren't we all?

Yes, I think the time has come for him to get his voice back. Poor thing hasn't been active since 1989. His time has come. I'll add the link here when his blog is up.

BTW, great blog entry that Shtreimel turned us on to in his blog (A Hasid and A Heretic). It's not apropos of anything going on with me now with the layoffs or anything, but it's great:
http://hillyinthecity.blogspot.com/2009/02/mazel-tov.html

First Thursday

Still getting used to the fact that I'm soon leaving my job. I'm remarkably calm right now, but I think that's probably just a level of denial, but the intensity of prayer is also higher, and I think that keeps me calmer than I would otherwise be.

I'm on a mailing list called "Torah Thought of the Day" through http://torahbyemail.blogspot.com/ and one came up yesterday:

"Rava taught: Lifespan, children and livelihood depend not on merit, but on mazal."(Talmud, Moed Katan 28a)

When I thought about mazal, I thought of "Mazol Tov!" -- and the idea that the Talmud would say it was just "luck" reminded me of a something a Buddhist teacher once told me when something hard happened. He said, "Congratulations!" His feeling was that it is only through difficulties that we grow, coming closer to becoming our authentic selves. That development can only occur when there's something to struggle against or confront in "battle".

In meditating on this thought of the day, I also reached out to friends who are more learned in Torah/Talmud, and I may find as I absorb what they shared that it will be useful to put some of it up here on my blog -- thinking out loud in the blogosphere to better comprehend the information, rather the meaning of the information that I received from them.

The gist of what I understand so far is that mazal isn't luck in a magical thinking way, but rather destiny - something that isn't because of something I did or didn't do as much as something that I need to do. I still have to figure out what that is.

What's next? I have no idea.

I'm a Statistic

Just the other day when we went to see Memphis at the 5th Avenue Theater, a friend told me that he was "a statistic". It took me a minute to catch on to what he meant - that he'd been laid off. Well, I'm a statistic, too. It's very odd to be at work every day knowing that I have 1 month to work there, and then I'm out on my fanny.

When faced with crises, I look for the metaphor. It's just the way I roll, so bear with me. I will be working from now through the end of March. Then we have plans (and, luckily, airline tickets) to head to Scottsdale, AZ for Passover. When I was praying last night, I asked for help in understanding the significance of being "freed" from a job I love in time to share a Seder with my uncle and aunt. The Jews were freed from slavery - but I'm being freed from a job I enjoy, working with people whom I love.

Then I thought about Moses leading such a large group, among whom were those complaining "We should never have left Egypt". Maybe I have something to learn from the reticent folks. Or maybe there are a number of definitions of slavery. Maybe I need to discover and free myself of something to which I've become enslaved. More prayer needed, obviously, but until I find a metaphor that works more efficiently, I think that's the track I'll follow.

Well, off to savor some free espresso...only 1 month left for that perk (no pun intended).

Heading in the Right Direction

Weigh-in was this morning, and I am delighted to report that the nasty little arrow is heading in the right direction. The scale I have is an old crappy one, and I have my doubts about it, but it even looks like I lost more than the 2 lbs I was hoping to lose. I'm being conservative, though, and calling it 2 lbs for now. I will pick up a more readable/reliable scale this weekend and see what it says.

Dieting is easy right now, actually. For once, we don't have a million dinner engagements, parties, etc. so I can just treat food as something I need to keep going during the day. That is not the way it will always be, given that my DH is a dream in the kitchen and is always coming up with something delicious. Hopefully, by the time we get to the next occasion, I'll be better prepared with portions and a little more in control.

I think that's what made me start getting serious about dieting - the complete lack of control I was having. I couldn't have cereal in the house because I treated the box like a serving. Same thing goes for ice cream. Just completely out of control - and the compulsive behavior just had to stop.

I still need to get serious about working out. I'm up to one day a week right now, but aiming for two and so forth. I just need to get into a routine where it's what I do at a given time, and that's that - like a theater date or something I'd actually enjoy.

Speaking of theater, the Mozart was lovely last night. They did feature a soloist on the double bass during a Vanhall piece (not a composer with whom I'm familiar). He got a standing ovation, but I didn't think it was all that great. The Schubert was pretty, and the Jupiter Symphony was outstanding.

Since my DH has his weekly role-playing (a D&D derivative) game on Saturday night, I may have to run over there on Sunday to see him. I want him to see Eating Raoul, which I have from Netflix, and I don't want to clog my queue holding onto a film when I could be getting through my Inspector Lynley mysteries!

For the first time in a very long time I feel pretty good. Life is quite nice right now. Friends and family are doing well, and except for a few things I need to take care of like seeing my Dr. to make sure that my glucose level is nothing to worry about and that my arm pain is really just a pinched nerve that a chiropractor or some such doctor can handle, things for me are good as well.

Nothing to report regarding recipes from last night, since the pork will last me quite a while. I'm one of those people who can eat the same thing every day (as long as I like it) and enjoy it. It's probably the reason I can re-watch films I've seen a hundred times if I love them - like Laura, which I watched again just the other night.

Looking forward to finishing my latest Nero Wolfe mystery and getting to bed early tonight. Fridays are the best days for catching up on the sleep I miss all week.

Tomorrow is weigh-in

Well I haven't written since I got on the scale because I was so disappointed with myself that I let it get this far. I'm limiting my calories, eating portions that I would have considered "tapas" just a month ago, and no drinking. Those wonderful full-bodied reds are a thing of the past, but I still hope to splurge on a Guinness come March.

March? No, not St. Patty's Day, but The Moisture Festival here in Fremont. It's a festival of wild and wonderful burlesque, comedy, music, and fun in Fremont (a.k.a. "The Center of the Universe") and the ACT theater downtown.

Tonight it's Mozart at Symphony hall. We have divine seats for this series - right above the orchestra on the left side (from the audience point of view). We can read the music that the 1st Violinists are playing. We sit to a very nice couple, and it's just our favorite series there. Now, if Itzhak Perlman comes, then we want to sit as far front and close to the stage as we can, but for the Mozart, we love these seats. Tonight, it's the Jupiter Symphony.

No dinner reviews right now, since food is the least interesting of things going on, but, if you use a slow cooker, here's a wonderful way to cook up a pork tenderloin - no muss, no fuss. The original recipe is called "Amazing Pork Tenderloin" on the CDKitchen website. Here's my version:

Garlic Pork Tenderloin

Ingredients:

Pork tenderloin
3 TBLs garlic minced
3/4 cups wine (I used white because I had it; original uses red)
1 pkg dry onion soup mix (I used Carb Options because I had it)
1 cup water
3 TBLs soy sauce


Spray non-stick pan with Pam (or use just a touch of oil) and brown pork tenderloin. My slow cooker isn't huge, so I cut the pork tenderloin in 4 good-sized pieces and browned those. Meanwhile add the water, wine, onion soup mix and soy sauce to the slow cooker. Add the browned meat and slather the top of the tenderloin pieces with garlic.
Cook on low for 3 hours. Turn the pork over in the "soup" and let cook for 1 to 2 more hours.

The pork will pull apart like Hawaiian pulled pork. You can use it on salads or sandwiches or just serve it over rice. I added the "soup" to the rice pot to infuse the flavor into the rice as it cooked.

That's as interesting as it's gotten around here with food of late. Tomorrow morning I weigh in and find out if I've lost anything this week. Results to follow.

Last Monday

I can hardly believe that it's the last Monday of January already. Is the rest of the year going to go like this? It seems like just a day ago that my DH and I were snowed in at our home in Kirkland. Celebrating the holidays, yes, but also trapped!

It did snow - a little bit - yesterday, but not enough to keep me from heading home to be with my honey. He thoughtfully taped the NHL All Stars Game, and let me watch it while he cooked an amazing gourmet feast. We had a marinated pork tenderloin, with red potatoes roasted with garlic, and fresh asparagus. What a wonderful meal!

Since I last wrote, I have a few updates:

In Bruges - a film starring Colin Farrell, was lauded by the critics, and called a "sleeper". Well, it should have stayed asleep. I'm one of those people who needs to see something happy on a Sunday night, and there was nothing happy in this film. There were times when I thought they might pull out of the muck long enough to give us a modified happy ending, but, no. It was death and destruction to everyone we liked, and even those we didn't. It could have been a David Lynch for all the blood. The dialog was clever, and we did laugh once or twice during it, but this was not a winner. Afterward, we watched an episode of 2 and 1/2 Men to have a giggle before heading off to bed in preparation for the work week.

Defiance - Did I already kvell about this one? Even if I did, it's worth saying again. It is the best movie I've seen in a long time. The critics complain that it tried too hard, and pulled too many heart strings. What? Yes, I cared about the people in it, which must be something critics disdain, and I felt uplifted at the end of it, which must also be a no-no. Bah! Forget them. This is fantastic!

I received an extra movie from Netflix this past week because it had been at the top of my queue for a while with a status of "short wait". They finally found it somewhere else, and had it sent to me even though I already had my allotment of films. It was a series of concerts by Bill Hicks (comedian who died of cancer back in the 90's). I remember loving his work, and wanted to see it again. I found it most interesting that I no longer enjoyed him at all. There were a few chuckles, but, for the most part, he was just ranting without humor.

That has happened to me before - where something I remember as touching or funny just doesn't have the same appeal it once did. I was surprised this time, though. My friend, Ravi and I used to enjoy him so much that I thought for sure it would be the same this time around - but it wasn't...not by a long shot.

King of Hearts, though, seems to have unlimited appeal. I watched it again with the same enjoyment as the first time I saw it - or maybe even more. What makes it even better is that it was a free, "play now" video through Netflix, so I just pulled it onto my Roku machine and have it there to watch anytime I want (along with Star Trek TOS and the current seasons of NCIS, and Numb3rs seasons 3, 4 and 5).

The street was paved with ice this morning, as if someone had used a powdered-sugar glaze over everything. My sweetie drove me to the P&R because I didn't set the alarm correctly. It's currently set to go off at 5pm instead of 5am. Anyway, it was good he did that because walking to the bus stop could have been treacherous!

Tomorrow, we're heading to a production of one of my favorite plays - The Importance of Being Earnest. We'll meet up with friends and go to a show on a Tuesday night! That's not our normal behavior. Weekdays are normally too tiring to consider going out, but this is a special event, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Wednesday will be my first Weight Watchers' meeting in a very long time. I have to get serious now, or I'll be miserable when we go to NYC in June. I think it is so much worse to be stuffed into clothes when it's hot and sticky than when it's cold and rainy. Not that it's great any time, but I would just hate having to feel either exposed and embarrassed or sweltering in too many clothes while we're back there. If I can just eat sensibly, and NOT snack at night (I'm a late-night nibbler) I should be okay by June. That's the goal, anyway. I'd love to be motivated enough to start running again, and train for the Vancouver 1/2 marathon, but I don't think I'll pull it together this year. Maybe next May I will be in a better place with daily exercise.

My sister is the Queen of Physical Health. She's been working out daily since the new year. What a star! She's amazing, anyway, but this is a poke for me to remember to keep up (uh, get up is more like it).

More later after we head to the theater. I'll give updates on my WW meetings, too. There's one next door to work right now, but they need 10 more people to keep it going. I hope they get them because it'd be a lot easier to get there than at Westlake, which is 1/2 way home. Hard to come back to the office when I've escaped that far! Also, the blog can keep me honest, since I'll report losses and gains, so I'd better be good!

Long time no blog

Finally feeling somewhat normal after the holidays. Time to get back to a regular routine - the food, the exercise, the work...everything. Once I get my habits reset, I'll be okay, but now everything seems so forced and strange. Normal living seems dull in comparison, and yet the holidays lacked something this year, too.

I hadn't realized until this year how much I appreciated lighting the menorah for Channukah. We're non-traditional to say the least, and enjoy a mixed experience of both a single gift-giving day on xmas, and lighting the candles for each night of Channukah. We say a blessing each night - not the standard brachot by any means - for something for which we are thankful. The first night is for our health, and the nights following each remind us of another aspect of life for which we are grateful. During a time as hectic and crazy as the holidays, having 8 nights where we light the candles together, and spend some time in reflection and appreciation for each other and our life together - that in itself is a blessing. This year, we didn't have Channukah candles, and I couldn't find any anywhere. You don't realize how xmas-centric the world is until you try and find candles for the menorah at the last minute. I bought a case after the holiday so that I will NOT run into this problem again. We ran through the holidays without a break, and they were over before we knew it. We had fun giving presents to the children in our lives, but we missed having the intimate holiday with each other that I've come to anticipate and love.

We were forced to slow down a little bit, though, because we were snowed in at the house in Kirkland. It looked like Tahoe out the window. Driving was impossible, and walking was difficult. After 4 days in the house, we pushed the car out of the driveway and into the ruts created by the mailman to get out to a movie - Tales of Despereaux. I loved the movie, which had some of the most beautiful animation I've ever seen. Evidently, the book is sadder than the film - so I'm glad I saw the film!

This xmas I got a patriotic banner instead of a flag. I mentioned before that I never even wanted a flag for the condo because the Bush administration did not engender even the smallest amout of patriotism in me. In fact, I never felt so alienated from my own country. However, as of last November 4th, all of that changed. Still, it's hard to figure out how to put a flag up on the deck of the condo. My creative DH found a banner - one of those ruffled red/white/blue banners you might see on a dais during a political speach - and I'll be using it quite soon. I will put it out for Tuesday - Inauguration Day for our 44th President, Barak Obama. Talk about something for which I can be truly grateful! A president for all of us.

Here's to meeting our personal goals (bah on "resolutions") and living a life filled with love, peace, and prosperity in the coming year.